I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
