I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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