Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
