I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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