I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
