So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
