Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
