I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
