The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
