It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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