my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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