apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
