I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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