Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
