take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
