after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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