4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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