i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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