so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
