i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
