And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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