Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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