she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
