C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
