Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
