i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
