your thong is hanging out like whoa
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
