I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
