Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
