Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
