We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
