She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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