umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
