you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
either way he was missing a nipple.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
