I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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