We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
