I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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