I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
