do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He shit in the fireplace
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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