So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
