Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
