there's paper in my vomit.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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