I wanna bring you to show and tell
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
