The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
