Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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