I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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