then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
