WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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