I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
