That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
