Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Come back. Shots need mouths.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
